reminiscence

Bittiya na keejyo!

2006-11-11T21:21:00.000-08:00

Today I heard the song from new Umrao Jaan. It was so touching.. I could totally relate to the pain. The brilliance of Javed Aktar's poetry is undeniable.

"Jo ab kiye ho daata, aisa na keejo,
Agle janam mohe bitiya na keejyo..
kaisa naseeba jag mein har bitiya paaye,
apna jinhe samjhat hai, pal wo paraye..
babul ka anga chute, maiya ka anchla,
bohli chiraya pave bas ek pinjra,
phir bhi yeh sab samjhave, tadpa na keejo.."

The growing difference between me and my brother surged when I was a teenage. My brother got more privileges that I was denied. It angered me but I learned to deal with it. When I got married, my identity changed and so did my last name. I felt as if everything I owned was snatched away from me. My mom prays that my brother has a son, so that they have a chirag in the family. After marriage, my mothr-in-law reminded me that my husband was the only male child in the family and we needed to have a son. I wonder why.. why are girls so unwanted.. especially by mothers and mother-in-laws who themselves are women. I have resolved to treat my kids equally.

Those days..

2006-09-03T23:38:00.000-07:00

I remember my childhood... beautiful and carefree. I was thinking to myself what can I give up to get back one day of my lovely childhood.... my mind replied, I can trade the whole of my future life just to relive those enchanting moments of childhood... I have never felt that bliss of childhood once my childhood left me.

I remember jumping on mango trees, playing games endlessly, those mischiefs, those innocent questions.. I remember running behind my brother, imitating his every move. I remember wanting to be as old as my sister. I remember how we collected the rest of my friends and explored my backyard. I remember those stupid moments like those when I was overpowered by anger and jumped into the pond to die until someone dragged me out. I remember walking behind my mom holding her pallu till she came to bed at night. I remember the taste of the raw mangoes with chilli and pepper, those gooseberries, those raw leaves which we thought we edible..... I remember those lazy afternoon when we kids gathered in the temple to play pranks on the watchman. I remember the hide and seek and house-house. I remember the time when we kids were taken to the beach and we were so wet that my dad ordered that we all remove clothes in order not to spoil the car.. and we drove back home with a whole bunch of naked kids.. I remember having nothing more than exams to worry about..I remember the sunshine on my face, the breeze on my cheeks and the grin on my lips.....

Then one day came when my childhood abandoned me... the day when my brother left, then my sister to another city for further studies. I never felt more lost. I missed them so very much. Whenever they home for vacation, I fought with them..because deep inside I missed them and I was angry that they left me alone. Since then life has not been the same. Now we have spouses and kids. Our lives are different in different parts of the world. We meet some time..and there is some lingering love for one another..but it is just not the same. I would give up my entire life to just be that kid once again.

Any creative ideas?

2006-08-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

Living in California is great but for the crazy commute and the long distances. The traffic condition can make/break a life. I recently switched jobs to a place where I have to commute 50 miles one way. A few days on the road and I feel exhausted. The excruciating waits at the freeways and the insanity of some ruthless, arrogant drivers.... I wonder how people do it. I met some people who have been doing this commute for 22 years. I guess it's my turn now, but I know for sure that I can never endure this for long.

I have been thinking of getting audio books to entertain myself. But my colleagues advised me against it as it is hard to focus on the content. I listen to the pathetic radio that frivolously harps on some uninteresting stuff.. I remember in Mumbai, when the trains were crowded there used to be so many women who clean methi or cut beans and take peas out of the pods.. I wish I could cook during my commute time. I tried doing yoga on wheels.. just pranayam. It's hard to relax when you have a driver honking at you. I can't imagine doing this commute for the rest of my life. Can anyone give me some suggestions on what I can do while driving?

Chickpea flour bell pepper

2006-08-18T11:24:00.000-07:00

Inspired by the many great food-bloggers, I want to submit a few recipes that I know. I'll add pictures as and when I get the chance.

This recipe is simple and easy to make.

Ingredients:
2 big green bell peppers
2 tsp cooking oil
1 tsp mustard seeds
1/2 cup chickpea flour (besan) (quantity can vary depending on taste)
Red chili power, salt to taste

Method
- Cut the bell peppers into medium pieces
-Heat the oil in the pan and add mustard seeds
- when the seeds splutter, add the bell pepper, Salt, red chili powder and little water enough to cook the pepper without making it mushy.
-When the peppers are cooked and water is completely absorbed, reduce flame heat and add the chickpea flour and mix well, so that the flour attaches itself to the peppers. Keep the flame low and don't let it burn.. cover the pan for 2 mins and switch it off.. and serve it with rotis or rice.

Do marriages last?

2006-08-16T21:36:00.000-07:00

I am a married woman. Few years ago, I fell in love with a man of great intellengence and prudence. He was my soulmate. Everything felt right, and everything about him was good. As my marriage ages, I find it hard.. to communicate and understand. He is all about long term planning and I am all about short term living. I am an extrovert and he is an introvert. How can the two of us be more in tune with each other without giving up ourselves? Where is the point when one must not give in? Both of us cater more to our own nature than to each other. The result marriage suffers. Anyhow, I wonder if man made institutions like marriage actually are meant to survive? If God had wanted a man and a woman to be together wouldn't he have attached them in some way.. like the organs are a part of the body? Is there anything such as a soulmate? If there is one, would I have found one if I had waited longer?

Maybe there is little meaning in these thoughts.. but kya kare..kabhi kabhi mere dil mein yeh khayal aata hai...

Happy independence day!!!

2006-08-12T12:24:00.000-07:00

Today I feel like a coward.. I am an NRI, I feel as if I left my county because I was a coward, I didn't have the courage to stay there and rectify the system.. instead I blamed my country for my misfortunes and chose to do nothing with my country. I claim to be a proud Indian. My Indian citizenship is something that I will never give up. I miss my county and my people immensely. Everytime I come back to the US from a visit to India, it feels like I am ripping out my heart.. my beloved country India. But yet, my love for India is overpowered by my love for my husand, who chooses to reside in the US.
We the people of India have forgotten the struggles we have had to endure to get our independence. The sacrifice of our fellow Indians. I had gone to the state of J&K during my last visit. It was pure bliss. I have never seen my country so beautiful, so pristine. My spirits were soared with pride. I saw these soldiers who are so far away from their families. They fight to protect our borders so that we may sleep. I am saddened by the fact that not many of the brightest people from our institutions like IITs and IIMs decide to stay back in India and improve India. They are selfish like anyone else, in their pursuit of materialism. Patriotism is almost non-existent among Indians.
Someday I hope to return back to my motherland. Someday I hope to raise my kids the way I was brought up, revering my country. Someday I hope to make a difference and change my country for the better.. until then I shall wait. To all the people who make numerous sacrifices for my country, I thank thee. I am grateful that all these people make my country the best in the world. Happy independence Day!!!

Hello World!

2006-08-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog... first word to the unknown. I have been a reader of many blogs, but have never ventured to create my own space. Inspired by the many bloggers, I have decided to pen my random thoughts.